No caregiver for me

Well, that's just the way it is, some people have a spouse who's always there, through thick and thin. And some don't.

I long ago found I didn't have the patience to care for more than my 3 sons (and not always that well when I think of it.) And the cats and kittens. That's because I'm not a person who would give my all and then some, no matter how much I loved somebody. I'm a pretty self-centered want-to-survive kind of person.

But being a caregiver would mean being prepared to give my all for another person's needs. I am sure I would certainly find there's a line I could draw in the sand, and say, there, just that much.

But it's so nebulous. When is a couple going to work out that detail, and stretch it beyond where it was...I don't know.

I've been a caregiver in counseling situations, which always meant helping the other person find their own answers.

There's no quick fix to most problems of life.

I am sorry that my sons had to face my possible demise in the last week or two. I'm sure it shook them up a bit. I hope they made any final arrangements they hadn't yet done for their own lives. (And I admit to not having every detail of mine finished.)

View from the cardiac wing, on one of the breaks in the rain.

Did I mention the cardiac wing was full?

There are some corporate types trying to get more elective procedures scheduled so the (new to this hospital) owners can make money while losing some to Covid-19 patients.  But according to the nurse in Cardio-ICU the first night I was there, there were only 3-4 Covid-19 cases in ICU.  Of course he could have been told to give that information.

Anyway, now I'm trying to get used to paying more attention to almost vague messages from my body. I think I'd like to take a break from being 77-3/4 years old and just drink wine for a few days and play some games.

The other day I noticed I had an appetite back. That may be good, because I've just been eating dribs and drabs of the excellent food my friends brought me.