Precariousness of our lives

 This week has moved toward the 25th anniversary of the attacks on the USA by terrorists.

Of course it can happen again, even with all the safeguards Homeland Security has put in place.

Of course with a mad man in the White House, he is asking for something extreme to happen.

But each day I wake up and am grateful for the life I have. Clean air.

Oh you don't know how important that is...just take a deep breath and think about how hard it might be if you coughed with each intake.

And clean water. 

From the internet

Gratitude list continues...

And homes. And food. And neighbors who look out for each other.

And friendships across the miles.

And the internet which connects us to each other quickly, effortlessly.

Phones. Cars. Planes.

OK, so much I am grateful for.

Boom, 9/11 happened.

Here's short documentary about the people who escaped Manhattan Island on 9/11 by water, narrated by Tom Hanks.

More people were transported by water that day than in the evacuation of Dunkirk.

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And if it’s true we are alone, we are alone together, the way blades of grass are alone, but exist as a field.

ROSEMERRY WAHTOLA TROMMER

Honoring these hands

Honoring my hands today.

 I have moved into reading, composing and posting here on blog these days. This is from a relatively focused life making things with my hands over many years. In the last 12 years before my final retirement I would wake up at night thinking about creations in clay, and how to sell them. The latter was not half as much fun, nor as therapeutic as the former.

Now I comment on blogs of my friends with whom I catch up frequently, and am among the few bloggers who reply to comments. It has to do with time available, and maybe lack of other interests to pursue. 

I'm basically an echo of my former self. My word-finding ability to express myself usually happens eventually, or I can find a work-around. But my hands will continue to shake more and keep me from doing much but typing on keyboards…avoiding all hand activities which most creativity depends upon.  Even mouse-movements sometimes are difficult. This is the life with Essential Tremor.

I think this leads me to take some photos of my hands and do some grief work - which I may or may not share here. But it has been interesting to go back through a few folders to capture what these hands were doing. The photos miss the actual creativity of my clay work, painting watercolors, and fiber work, like knitting or quilting. But here's what I've found. (Just in the last year.)

Now...as I started this process. Just the right hand for now.

My right pinky finger has begun to bend in a new way from middle knuckle in the last year, and I often have painful joints. I was recently examined at Asheville Arthritis and they say it's osteoarthritis, which still means only pain relief to consider, but nothing will stop it from continuing.

Dec. 2025, these hands show their bones and veins!

Just one glove for this iPhone photographer at the Christmas tree store in November 2025. I can usually capture a photo but have a lot of trouble writing texts on the phone. Thank heaven for audio dictation even with all it's glitches.

In Aug '25 I pushed myself to go see these waterfalls with friends, with my handy walking stick. (Next month I was in the hospital for second time in 6 months with pneumonia!) Having Bronchiectasis means my lungs work harder and cause almost constant coughing to clear the mucous.

July 2025, many Sunday mornings I met friends for coffee and pastries at Four Sisters Bakery, where eating outside was enjoyable. So far I can hold a cup without too much shaking, and most bites of food arrive in my mouth on my fork. Finger control seems to be the worst of my Essential Tremor so far, which is slowly deteriorating, though they work better in mornings than evenings. Drugs do not help though they did for a while! Now I have to balance breathing needs with the shaky fingers in considering drug help.

April 2025 saw me in Colorado and Utah with son and his wife...and borrowed a walking stick for short hikes. Mainly out of breath from the altitude and recovering from first hospitalization for pneumonia in March. (But I  had skipped quite a few years since last time, so I guess that's a good thing.)

A very small silly goal was to make a snowball on the way to Telluride...where snow was still piled next to overlooks.

And this was the take home antibiotic which I carried with me to Colorado, recuperating and yet having a wonderful time. 

So I'll stop with my hands of 2025. Maybe share some more sometime down the road.

How do I feel about the loss of hand-usefulness? I'm sure not happy about it. As an artist all my life, I've had a screeching halt to my creative loves. But I can still see what I like, and for now taking photos can convey sharing beauty with others.

I finally started telling staff at a doctor's office that I have a disability in that I cannot fill out forms (which they want me so much to do!) I'm going to start asking for that to be flagged on my charts.

 I have a daughter-in-law who also has hand difficulties as a result of an accident when she was in her teens. She has proved she can do just about everything as a loving wife and mother of three beautiful daughters. So her drive and positive attitude are an inspiration for me.

Coping. That's the term I think I've embraced as a senior. Coping with life's many changes. Reduced expectations definitely. But finding small things that are satisfying, and sharing gratitude.

I'm perhaps a bit foolish in some of my decisions, but am not going to skip the wonderful times I can have because of my weaker systems. It's strange to find oneself at 83 with some things that still work fine, and others that have decided to just go kerplunk! 

I'm very very grateful for the muscles in my legs which now allow me to climb a flight of stairs, without having to pull myself up with the railing. That's a big accomplishment at this time, and I owe it mainly to staying with my son over Thanksgiving where I had a bed and bathroom on the second floor of their home.  Plus I try to climb a flight of stairs every other day. I still get out of breath, but the handrail now is just in case I should trip.

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I did a quick search and found that exactly two years ago I had an Occupational Therapy evaluation of my hands, so here's that post, though really not that interesting.

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Old winter, changes and breathing technique

 2012

Hoarfrost visit

The strange low shroud of clouds on Dec 27, 2012, left a gorgeous picture (see below)

Rare hoarfrost has descended on the topmost trees around Asheville, NC.

Last year's skimpy snow.

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Silence fell

like a hammer
made of feathers.
It left holes in the shape
of the sound of the sea.
Terry Pratchett

----------------- 

Gratefulness is there from the very beginning, because it is always a loving listening to whatever comes your way, and if you lovingly listen to it, you are grateful for it.

Br. David Steindl-Rast ------------------  This Word for the Day really made me pause, as I'm bemoaning all the changes that I don't expect that I have to deal with. OK, lovingly listen to them...what a concept! (And so far I'm angry at a customer service reps that won't answer my question in order for me to make an expensive and irreversible decision as to how much my insurance (yes it's mine!) will pay, either in a ballpark or percentage. I gave the CSR a "0" on the survey, and she said she was sending me an email, but so far (45 minutes of setting up a new "secure" mailbox system) it hasn't worked. I think she did that because of the "0" but I told her I was going to do that. ---------------- So how about an old medical guru's method of breath control for anxiety, or falling asleep? Asleep in 60 seconds, Dr. Andrew Weil. Yes - Thankful thursday!!

Linville Falls and other things

 

For Floral Friday Fotos

Linville Falls lower falls...you can't get there from the Blue Ridge Parkway yet , and many of the trails are still damaged. Photo from Facebook.

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Way back  photos of my last visit to Linville Falls, upper falls:

October, 2020

Helen and I did selfies with the Upper Falls behind us.

October, 2020. We'd become a society of wearing masks, due to COVID. This wasn't quite as crowded as the photo makes it look. 

The upper end of the chute going to the lower falls (can't get there from here!)

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Times that challenge us physically, emotionally, and spiritually may make it almost impossible for us to feel grateful. Yet, we can decide to live gratefully, courageously open to life in all its fullness.

BR. DAVID STEINDL-RAST

Short list gratitude

General or specific?

Family  (and there are specific ones!)

Friends (and there are specific ones!)

Care givers - same thing, keeping so many things in my life working

First responders, and second and third and non-profits here for the long haul

Home

Neighborhood

Town

Having food, shelter, clothing, transportation, heat, clean water, electricity.

Infrastructure (try living without water, electricity, internet, cell service! I know whereof I speak!)

Spiritual seekers, not those who just spout good ideas, those who live them and share with me, inspiration!

Gratitude for...

My own pessimistic optimism, a cautious way to look to the future somewhat realistically.

Climate change workers -unsung heroes and heroines who see the future and work to change it

My own health and welfare - comfortable at this time, oh so grateful!!

Grass roots groups accomplishing amazing things

Neighbors coming together to help one another!

Abilities/talents? - communication, sharing, back and forth information

Nature, Mother Earth, all life that exists including the recent disaster which changed our lives

Trust in those who work as representatives in each level of government to continue to serve the people within the law which established their positions

And my ability to understand when politicians play their necessary games of office, when money is the primary motivation, and to be patient when I fear the results might hurt me or those I care about.

Creativity - crafts-person-ship

Being a collector of crafts and art

Today's art:

Sika Deer and Red Crowned Cranes by Sean Weekly Photography

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Happy Hanukkah

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And for everyone who is partying in any way to welcome in the new year, Happy New Year for 2025.

Letting 2024 go is a good idea, but the term 2025 comes fraught with lots of baggage, thanks to a plan by the Republican Party to implement many restrictions on Americans.

But there are still some things to hope for in 2025. Let's think of those...

Today's quotes:

Common sense — while not always officially rewarded, has its own special genius.

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.

LOUISA MAY ALCOTT

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Today on "Open Yesterday's Pages":

Daguerreotype

These conversations

 --   So some people talk about politics.

And some of us talk about weather, and climate change. Goodness, what about Hurricane Milton?

Some (many) of us talk about women's issues.

And some of us talk about art...in all its various forms....music, poetry, painting, sculpture, pottery!

I've been posting over on "Alchemy of Clay" some of the art I liked at the recent exhibit at the Columbia Art Museum - on loan from the Brooklyn Art Museum, 

I must give a big comment about cousin John in South Carolina (though he probably won't ever read this.) He was an angel of refuge for me. But while receiving a comfortable home, I got to know a very intelligent and interesting man that I wouldn't have without staying with him for 8 days. We had at least one meal together daily. He wouldn't let me cook, which probably was a good thing.

 I bought some groceries after we decided on two meals which would also leave him with left overs. Like many busy people, he likes to cook a big amount and then have several meals out of it. But I must comment that the man likes a very big serving for a meal, so leftovers probably don't go very far. He also runs about an hour each day! I was thrilled to have such wonderful things provided for me.

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I've safely traveled (on Wed.) to a dear friend's home in the piedmont of North Carolina. The news yesterday was that non-potable water would be tested in Black Mountain to see where leaks were in an emergency 18 inch line. That water would only be useable for flushing since it would have so much sediment in it.

I have loved renewing my friendship with Martha in her sweet house. I'm so blessed! But I'm also eager to be back in my little apartment. The maintenance man called me and told me elec is on and there's water coming into toilets, but can't be used for anything else. So I'll be sure to pick up some water bottles by the case before I go home. Sunday is my target travel date for now (I wrote this on Friday 10.11.24)

This is probably already in the works...we just haven't noticed it!

Above: When the cleanup begins. Spruce Pine downtown.

Below: Unincorporated town of Swannanoa, after Hurricane Helene! All the brown is mud drying which turns into dust if you drive over it! The building hanging over the erosion has a 10 foot drop from it's floor to the mud below.

Meanwhile, myself and many of my friends are doing the following:

I'm busy blogging about where I evacuated to, where a normal life could be experienced! But that was before I returned to live the life I'd chosen here in Black Mountain NC.

Looking into the mouth of a dragon fruit.

Do you suppose they are firey spicy?

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An interesting YouTube demonstration of the debris flows in the mountains, if you're interested. I didn't know that after a first pulse of mud and debris, there can be a second or even third pulse. That's how a firefighter lost his life going to help someone after the first pulse of debris in the Garren Creek community of Buncombe County. That was a site of quite a few people who died from Helene.

Photo by Lynn Bauer

Today's quote:

Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” 

Refuge-nest with cousin

 My refuge-nest for a week (plus!)...as an evacuee from Black Mountain NC

And here are a few photos from my cousin John's in Columbia SC.

Here I'm nebulizing with that foggy thing in the lower left. Love John's back porch!

The living room with a few of John's books, and 3 pottery pieces made by myself! He keeps it nice and clean and tidy. I was impressed, and determined to have as nice a setting for myself when I get home...lots to throw out first!

John's nice house. It has lots of room inside, and I enjoyed the guest room.

Another house in the neighborhood was decorated for Halloween.

Wax mallow plant, one I'd never seen before.

The wax mallow, probably planted by his next door neighbor who has lots of pretty plants.

Lunch on the back porch!

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Updated Sun. at 9:00 am. I'm packing up from my friend's refuge (in North Carolina, not this one depicted here) and heading home to Black Mountain in an hour or so.

Today's quote:

John Muir reportedly began each day by asking the question:
”How can I be at one with nature?” He spent countless days studying everything from wild mountain goats to the smallest of wild flowers.

Then there's Grace.

 Thinking how I have "grace" in my life...

Grace is always present. You imagine it is somewhere high in the sky,

far away, and has to descend. It is really inside you, in your Heart.

Grace is the Self. . . .You are never out of its operation.

-~ Sri Ramana Maharshi

I somehow was never taught about grace in my Christian Sunday School classes. How come? And when I left the straight and narrow and tried exploring many other ways of looking at the world (ie other religions.) nobody seemed to tell me about it.

Then within the wonders of Unitarian Universalism, where many faiths are welcome, and sometimes different ones are given the pulpit on a Sunday...I finally learned that I had "Grace" in my life. It was just there, always, and sometime surprisingly available.

From another blogger, "the beauty we love" I found these quotes on Wednesday. Boy I needed to get in touch with grace the day I read that!

Grace is a manifestation of the cosmic free will in operation. 

It can alter the course of events in a mysterious manner

 through its own unknown laws, which are superior to

 all natural laws, and can modify the latter by interaction.

It is the most powerful force in the universe.

It descends and acts only when it is invoked 

by total self- surrender. 

Rationalists laugh at it, and atheists scorn it, but it exists.

It is a visitation of force unexpected and unpredictable.

 It is a voice spoken out of cosmic silence - 

It is ‘Cosmic Will which can perform 

authentic miracles under its own laws’.

~ D.C. Desai

 from Divine Grace Through Total Self-Surrender

I've edited this quote so that it is palatable to my own pagan beliefs, where all life is part of a universal spirituality. 

I edited out where D.C. Desai used the term "God" which I prefer to avoid, coming from it's patriarchal religious limited background. Remember this is a blog where I share my opinions. You're welcome to comment.

Grace was needed as I struggled with breathing difficulties that day. I tried lying down to rest, only to have more coughs. Earlier I had had to stop the sit-R-cise class when it started the aerobic part. I'm just feeling like things are sort of out of my control. Been there, got the tee-shirt!

And then a dear friend said her debilitating back pain had returned, after having just a week or so without it since the beginning of Feb. She was at church last Sunday for a musical program. This back pain doesn't respond to over the counter meds, but her doctor hasn't offered anything besides muscle relaxants so far.  

Then there's my life here, at this little laptop. Yes you can see I do go elsewhere and do other things...but the other day I had a major accident on the laptop. 

When reaching for my meds to take with a full mug of ginger ale, I poured the whole mugfull across the keyboard!  

Pick up mug! 

Pick up laptop, and let ginger ale pour onto floor! 

Unplug so I don't electrocute myself! 

Look in panic around living room for anything to start to wipe as much ginger ale off the keyboard as possible!

You can imagine my continued swiping with napkins, a lap blanket, anything. When put upright on its side, ginger ale came out the bottom keys.

I left it in that position, and then switched to damp cloth and towel. Then did the exterior, and the screen. And didn't turn it off.

The next day it had drained the battery while asleep so I plugged it back in, turned it on, and slowly it came to life. Much gratitude felt then!  Some grace had gotten me to that point.

I proceeded to copy every file onto a thumb drive before anything else.

Oh did I mention that that the "big ginger ale fiasco" took place a few hours before I drove at night and picked up my friend from the airport at about 11:20 pm. Did I mention I avoid driving at night?  

I finally got a little sleep before the early morning physical therapy apointment...maybe 6 hours.

I was able to nap later that next day, right through the noon hour. And strangely enough, I didn't succumb to coughing problems. Just mental, and perhaps coordination! Those are conditions I've not had to deal with before, being very careful about not falling.

Second example of grace (receiving good things that I don't necessarily deserve, haven't worked for, haven't even asked for...my definition) was the extra keyboard that had been sitting unused just below the laptop on the slide-out drawer, where the mouse pad was.  When I realized all the ginger ale keys would no longer have any bounce, and would require a harder push (well, duh) I tried plugging in the spare keyboard. It was given to me to help with a Mac computer, so I wondered what would happen with the microsoft laptop. First try, "we do not recognize this device." Second try, same. Kept on trying, and finally it's working. (So that part was my diligent effort!

I (like so many bloggers) may suddenly go dark. I don't have any other method to blog. Well, I do have the laptop before the one before this...very very slow. But I can read your blogs. Not sure how photos would go through. But I'm probably going to need to take this laptop in for some kind of cleaning, wouldn't you say?

Gratitude comes with grace. The worst didn't happen that evening with ginger ale. The driving was successful though somewhat harrowing with my trying to be safe by using the high beam headlights, but sometimes going too fast when I needed to slow down. It's hard for me to see roads' lines at night, even without cataracts anymore.

We survived. I'm here another day. Much gratitude!

Gratitude - for where my food, my sustinance, comes from

 How does our food get from farm to table, or even out of the fields?

Look at one artist's visions that celebrated the food handlers. HERE. Colassal is an art-featuring newsletter which I receive free, though there are subscription versions available.

[Nariso] Martinez’s solo exhibition From These Hands/De Estas Manos at Buffalo AKG Art Museum brings together pieces completed within the past few years, focusing on produce boxes as both collage components and as framing devices for striking portraits. He often portrays his subjects wearing baseball caps and scarves over their faces, which protect them from the elements.

When he was 20 years old, Narsiso Martinez immigrated to the U.S. from Oaxaca, Mexico, with a powerful resolve to learn English and pursue a university education. “I wanted to break the cycle,” he says. “In my family of six siblings, I wanted to be the difference and have a college degree before having my own family.”

At 29, Martinez finished high school, and in 2012, he earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts. And while he continued his education in pursuit of an MFA, he began to work seasonally in the apple orchards of eastern Washington state. Drawing from the visual language of produce brands and relationships with people he met on the farms, he developed vivid mixed-media works emphasizing the individuals who perform the labor necessary to fill grocery aisles, restaurants, and refrigerators around the country.

Today's quote:

Darker days are just as much a part of life as are the days graced with sunshine.

Remembering my move to the appartment in 2015

Original  Post: Oct. 7, 2015

 There were a hide-a-bed couch, and huge dresser moved in constant drizzle or even harder rain.  Special people are dedicated to their friends enough to come through for this! (I gave away the heavier pieces of furniture!)

I can't name them here, because they really need a break and don't EVER want to do this again!  But hopefully they'll read this and know how much I appreciated them.  Especially "T"...oh, and the other "T"...and of course "C".

Joaquin (Hurricane) helped also, by continuing a deluge in Black Mountain which started the night of Sept. 24, a Thursday...and he didn't arrive until Saturday.  It's still raining or foggy as I write this Sun. Oct. 4 in the evening.

Things just lying where they may in new apt.

We're both working on our gadgets while drying off and resting (son, Tai pictured here).

So everything I've moved got damp or wet, or was tucked into blankets to help keep it dry.  We didn't even bother with pickup trucks, which several people offered.  We fortunately had station wagon and van as dry transport...and we loaded them both up for several days, several trips each day.

So

wet maple trees as seen from my tiny pocket balcony.

Yep that's it.  Probably won't sit outside, because I have plants that I want to get sunshine...they are waiting to come to the apartment tomorrow (as I write this).  It will be nice to have sun shining in the big new windows in the apartment! 

*Note in 2023: the leaves on those maples mean no sun shines in the windows except after leaf fall, and before spring buds!

And it's been refurbished completely, so this is the new kitchen...before I move all my stuff in.

Yes this outhouse has a five-holer...though I am pretty sure none of them are functional. All the appliances were replaced, and many showers (except mine).

The apartments where I just moved have been under rennovation for months now.  A few have been finished, and mine almost is.  At least the plumbing is complete!

Oct. 8 2015 Post: The Village:

• Cathy loaned me a hand truck which saved my back (for a while).

• Several people helped by taking things that were too big to keep...Jessie and her daughters have the 30 gallon fish tank, Tim has the hide-a-bed couch.

• Patti didn't even know me but volunteered to pack after church one day.

• Pat took my shift as a volunteer at the BMCA studio so I could keep on packing.

• Teresa came for coffee and ended up packing pottery, several weeks before the move, continuing weekly afterward to unpack.

• Helen packed once, then loaded her car full and carried the boxes inside the new apartment.  She then packed again, and offered me a love seat (yet to be moved until I find two able bodied volunteers.)

• Pam packed and packed and packed the kitchen things.  Just get one more little thing into this corner of this box! (And these boxes have not all been unpacked by 2023)

The mascot of the move...a slug which came inside on the tarp, which never got dry enough to use!

• Susan cleaned out and swept the shed area which would have been hard for me to breathe sweeping...and then she carried the trash around the house.

• Tim did much more than remove shelving...carrying things...getting soaked.

• Molly packed pottery for me, then came back on one of the short hours when it wasn't pouring rain and carried all my clothes over to the apartment, as well as the boxes!

• Chuck was so wet moving things he said the water had seeped inside his waterproof boots down the legs of his trousers so his socks were soaked.

• Jim offered to help late in the day after a meeting he was scheduled to attend, and called to see if I still needed him, during the deluge from Joaquin, but after all but the very last boxes had been moved.

• Charles and Chuck lugged the big old mattress and box spring out to the curb.

• Tai, well you've probably read my prior post of great appreciation for a guy who traveled 800 miles to schlep his mom's old stuff a mile each way in pouring rain.  (In a vehicle of course!)

• Gail offered me a twin bed frame and dresser which would fit in my new apartment, from her home in Marion..which were carried downstairs and then into the apartment by my dear special friends and relations!

For this old lady...I have a heart so full of gratitude.  And lots of unpacking to do!
If I forgot anyone, it's my poor brain, not that you didn't give me wonderful help!


More posts:

 No longer will I have a studio space at home.  I'll be working at the Black Mountain Center for the Arts CLAY STUDIO entirely.

New apartment has lots of built-in shelves for pottery display!

NOTES from 2023:

Living together for just a few weeks before Muffin crossed the rainbow bridge. It was hard for all of us to adjust to the new apartment, single bed for 3 after the queen had to go. Bed that is.

I got pneumonia myself after Muffin had died. What a wild ride the first few months were as I acclimated to living in a hive of apartments.

Panther was with me another year and now I'm without cat. It's good for my breathing not to have to deal with litter, but I do miss a Purrbaby.

Today's quote:

Life is full of buried treasures. Chances are, you’re sitting on some right now.