Just some thoughts

I didn't save the name of a friend who I'm pretty sure shared this...but I wanted to pass it on anyway.

 

OK,  that's enough with wise words being shared.

I'm dealing with the cough/infected lungs which is keeping me from working at clay studio. At least it's not covid, but it does mean I am frequently tired, and can't walk to the mailbox without getting out of breath. And evenings I sometimes run a fever. 

And the good news is that I already  have an appointment on Friday with the pulmonologist. Hope its good news anyway. He may put me on antibiotics. That's life with this condition. Avoid getting pneumonia!

The clay studio has become something I think I'll have to back out of for a while...and I'm hoping I can get a refund of my monthly fee which I paid for April. Fingers crossed on that score.

So I didn't really have anything interesting to post about. 

I did go to the lunch program today, which meant talking with some folks who are care givers of their elder relations, and some of the elder relations. I'm jealous of one who has still plenty of grey hair on her head, while mine has all turned white. I'm aware one was 94, and one has wet-macular-degeneration and will have a shot in one eye this week to keep it from getting worse. 

As Ram Dass said, we are all just walking each other home.

Today's second quote...or maybe 5th...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

LAO TZU

Gratitude, depression, and wonderment

Reposting this description of a meditation. I was feeling depressed, and certainly not liking myself today (note, some weeks agao)..so looked for past uses of gratitude. Thinking I wouldn't have to rewrite my gratitude list, which usually helps me get out of depression. So I think I'll try this meditation from Jan 4, '21...it's nice and slow and doesn't require much effort...

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I was not following any guidance when meditating the other day...just had some background music going. Looking out the window at the fog as it lifted, first only being able to see the top of a power pole at Hwy. 70, then slowly having the ridge line of the mountain appear. The fog remained in the middle between these two points, a valley full of cloud. Somewhere down there the little Swannanoa River wanders back and forth through the valley that carries its name.

Some days my meditation just comes to me. Today, gratitude was top of my list.

Often meditation starts with deep breaths. And then awareness of parts of the body...starting with the feet, legs and going up each part. But today I started with my heart, then lungs. And from there I focused on each of the systems of my body...muscles, nerves, skin etc. I almost forgot the digestive and kidneys/bladder systems. I did remember hair and finger nails.  

Anyway, it was good to be grateful for all the wonderful pieces that make up this pie called Barbara. What amazing things homo sapiens are.

My winter-time view of the mountains.

And the summertime view out my living room windows.

Today's quote:

Moving in the flow of compassion and deepening enquiry,
we engage with all beings in ways that support the integrity,
the stability and the beauty of the entire living world.

Engaging with this [flow] of birthing/dying living,
embracing it, surrendering to it, [we find that] the mystery
is tremendously integrated.
It is extraordinarily stable.  It has been in action for
billions of years.  It is breath-stoppingly beautiful in
all its vulnerability...

My medicine is wonderment...

Tarchin Hearn

Excerpts from: 
The Dharma of Illness and The Medicine of Wonderment

Additional info on an old church

 

The church in Madison County NC has more information, so I'm giving a new post to cover what I've learned.

Here's the marker which stands near it.

"Early sessions of Madison County court were held in a log house on this site between 1851 and 1859. Bell Institute, a school operated by the Presbyterian Church USA, served the area. The school house and a dormitory stood a few yards west."

Location. 35° 51.037′ N, 82° 44.183′ W. Marker is near Marshall, North Carolina, in Madison County. Marker is at the intersection of Walnut Drive and Barnard Road (County Road 1151), on the right when traveling south on Walnut Drive.  

From Historic Markers

An enlargement of the area, showing "Academy St." and the area churches which are still open, but not the little unnamed church where the marker stands. I'm pretty sure the school house was on Academy St. or School St. which  is right off of it. The community is still known as Walnut.

And another great source of Madison County historic information, friend Vicki Lane commented in this way:

"It's not been a church for many years. I think it was Methodist or Presbyterian but not sure. It's a gorgeous building and was recently given to a local charity but what their plans for it are, I don't know. It has no rest rooms and, with the graveyard all around it, no way of putting in a septic tank."

I'm always interested in the background of an area...especially old buildings which even have historic markers in front of them!

And since the cemeteries are so near to this church, I imagine many of the ancestors buried there used to worship in the church.

 I offer this meditation which I came upon from "A Network for Grateful Living" which sends me a quote every day. The other day this came and was very appropriate for grieving the loss of life, which continues in so many unexpected places. 

A Meditation on Grief by Jack Kornfield

My notes as I begin Rehab

The Ornish Rehabiitation Program

As a heart attack survivor, a.k.a one with heart disease, I'm eligible to have a special rehab program, one that we would call Wholistic back in the 80s. Somehow that term hasn't come up yet in my reading, or my orientation the other day. But it certainly does describe the program started by Dr. Ornish. At Mission Hospital in Asheville, I am part of the 35th cohort or class of patients to move through this program.

I must admit I am skeptical as to my ability to just participate. They look at me and want me to exercise quite a bit more than I currently am able. I won't bore you with the details of my struggles...much.

I hope I can look back at some point and read this and say that I've been able to do this, and more. That's because I trust they will push me and let me stop when I need to, but be able to know what I can eventually do. Trusting them as professionals who deal with heart patients every day!

The first program scientifically proven to “undo” (reverse) heart disease by optimizing four important areas of your life:

The Wholistic aspect is looking at the body, mind, emotions, and nutrition related aspects of a lifestyle. I'm all for that.

I will eat up the nutrition information, literally. We're going vegetarian, low fat. I may continue to do low sodium. I'm looking forward to learning how to do that. I've been eating pescatarian (vegetarian who eats fish) for the last 6 months. Yes, before the heart attack. But my heart gradaully had been blocking that artery for many more months, as I ate chocolate things, bacon burgers and fries!

The support group will be a good aspect, as others in similar shoes to mine can reflect back to me the places I may not want to look at, and cheer me on to healing. It's not therapy, which I fail to see any real difference. I'll be learning that too.  This is a 9 weeks program, twice a week for 4 hours. So just 72 intense hours.

Stress reduction....ah. I've known lots of those techniques from my graduate school training as a counselor 34 years ago. But does that keep my mind from whirling through things at 4 am? Last night I went through the alphabet naming a flower for each letter, and got to zinnia without being anything but just tired, and giving up on the letters Q and U. It was 5:30 the last time I tossed back and forth and saw the clock. I woke again around 6:30 and told myself I could take off the C-PAP and just rest for a minute. It was 8:30 when I pulled myself out of bed. It was not one of my good nights.

And we'l have a teacher for yoga and meditation. I've been able to do a few stretching exercises that I learned in Physical Therapy, as well as some basic yoga on my bed, but not real yoga. It will be great  to have a teacher and support for my limitations. And I've only been doing sporadic meditation in the last couple of months. I like to meditate, but it somehow gets pushed off my priorities list most days. Hey, I have to push to make sure I bathe. It usually takes me 30 to 45 minutes to do my morning and evening nebulizer breathing treatments, during which I can read blogs or emails but can't eat or write, 'cause my mouth and one hand are busy with the little device holding the solutions that are aerated to help my lungs.

BUT, the real goal of Ornish Rehab isn't just a life-style change. Lots of folks are doing a Heart-healthy diet, and increasing exercises. It's to reverse heart disease.

That's what won me over. And whenever I think I can't do this, which will come in lots of ways...I'll remind myself of that. Do it or die. And if I do it, I'll benefit in many ways.

Today's quote:
"Reverse & Prevent Heart Disease

We examined the ability of patients enrolled in the Lifestyle Heart Trial to sustain intensive lifestyle changes for a total of five years and the effects of these lifestyle changes on coronary heart disease. We measured adherence to lifestyle changes, changes in coronary artery percent diameter stenosis, and cardiac events. Outcomes in the experimental group showed significant improvement relative to controls. Additionally, compared to 1 year follow up, 5 year follow ups showed greater improvement relative to controls."  

https://www.ornish.com/proven-program/the-research/

Tuesday musings

First thing you thought about when you woke up this morning?

For me there's the joy of all that is possible for another day, so I usually think of what's planned.  Today I think I began by thinking of some friends, and their lives.  Then I put my feet on the floor, and thought of the weather.  Pretty mundane.  That's why I'm grateful when the coffee and computer are ready for my next awakening to have a community to visit here in the web.

And there are some inspiring posts on my blog collection.  Thank you everyone who shares thoughts and experiences and quotes of inspiration.  I like the photos...oh so many and diverse, and they show that we humans are walking about this blue planet collecting beauty to share.  It's like a little clubhouse where we each empty our pockets to show what we've brought to each other.

I like having someone else's ideas to bring me a new direction - a pause to consider, perhaps even meditate upon.  So this one resonates with me this morning.

Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but... life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.

GABRIEL GARCÍA MÁRQUEZ There are housekeeping hints that don't ever go away...like this font, this margin setting, and that I just don't feel like changing it.  Argh.  It's a bit annoying, but somedays you choose your battles, and this just isn't one of them.

Sun and shadows

What's that happening on my pillows on my bed? The blinds have made streaks of shadows from an unusual thing, I think it's called sunshine.
That was yesterday, for about 10 minutes.

But today, ah, there was bright warm sun flowing through the window most of the day.  When I didn't check on it, I was outside on a rock by my favorite creek, taking photos into the sun.  That was fun.
They'll be over on the "Living in Black Mountain" blog in a day or so.

I'm still dealing with cough, and my brain seems to be about half here.  I sleep forever. And then I have these horrible nightmares.  I keep forgetting simple routines, and I don't know that I'm taking all the meds I'm supposed to take.  There are so many silly rituals...perhaps I should add some meditation and prayer to them, so they have more meaning to me.  Nebulize twice a day...seems prayerful to me.  And take certain pills and an inhaler mornings, and other pills and inhaler evenings.  I really need to add my yoga stretching back in there too.  The head-cold last week meant I just would lie down without a pillow and roll from side to side...a great exercise for who-knows-what.

still here

Well, you know what I was doing those 2 days it was 70 outside...don't cha?
The chair is out in the drive /patio, and a table next to it.  I've finished several Laurie R. King books this week...and I did put sunblock on my face too!
Then the winds came...and the chill returned.
Why do I think this March should be any different than most of them?
The daffodils have survived 2 nights in the 20s.
And today we're going back up to 58.

Yesterday's sunshine was only 40 degrees.  But let's not measure our lives by the temperature, the wind, or the rain and/or snow.  Sun and clouds are part of our cycles.

My life is to be measured thus.  I saw this on FaceBook the other day, and saved it. I need to read it again and again.  Thus another cycle.  Learn, forget, learn, try to live it, forget for a while, learn again.

And before you read it, part of its poignancy to me is that I've been doing a sinus cleanse for the last month by drizzling salt water through my nostrils once a day.  Lots of saline fluid has helped my allergies.  So now to raise that to another level...

An ageing master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.
“How does it taste?” the master asked.
“Bitter,” said the apprentice.
The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”
“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.
“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.
“No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly,
“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”
~ Meditation Masters

Ram Dass said...

Along with faith comes the requirement for dogged persistence. At first meditation may bring you mild highs or some relief from suffering. But there may come a time — just as there does in the development of any skill — when there will be a plateau. You may be bored, discouraged, or even negative and cynical. This is when you will need not only faith, but persistence.

Ram Dass

This applies to lots of other things in life, 

doesn't it?

More thoughts of eternity

So skip this if you don't want to think of inspiration.
Skip this if you want to look at the funny papers...
and not consider the divine.

The good thing about my thoughts on eternity are that I won't use the G (od) word once.

I even will refrain from calling the Source of all by any name besides that.  I like that Jews don't have a name for the eternal one that is spoken.  Kind of smart.

Anyway, in a group last evening, I shared a couple of really important (for me) thoughts.  They were maybe considered by others, but quickly the topic was changed.  I think I may have gotten off into my comfortable place, but the others weren't there with me.  Happens a lot.

I have a watercolor which I painted on the wall where I usually see it when I first wake up in the morning, and when I go to sleep at night (when I can't really see it because it's dark then).

The painting has a pair of hands posed as if in prayer, within a circle.  Then above the hands and touching the tips of the fingers is another pair of hands, also in a prayer position, but facing downward.  They are both my hands as model.  They both are within the circle.  One pair has thumb closest (the bottom set) and the other has pinkie showing close to view.

For me this always was just a pleasant picture, reminding me of the circle of connection between what I know and what I don't know.

But in the last week or so I've become more aware that people do pray with fervent desire, even yearning in their hearts.  I may have prayed like this during crisis, but I seldom do it as part of my daily meditation.  I spend most of that time being empty of thought, and listening for something, which I don't think is considered prayer.

So back to praying and yearning for something from the Source.  I realized that perhaps the Source of all could have similar feelings toward the people praying; that the infinite all knowing might be yearning for us to do/say/think/be as much as we might be yearning for Source to do/say/think/be.

So when I look at the painting now I've got a different slant on things.

Today I noticed how much love I feel toward my small animals.  It's similar to parental affection and perhaps replacing that since my kids are all grown and not part of my daily life any more.

  Again the big jump to thinking that Source of all might feel the same love and affection toward the beings that walk around on earth.  This is very much like my sense of Buddhist  reverence for all life.  But it goes one step further in having that emotion of love shared equally but magnified to include me.  Am I loved in the same way that my animals are by me?

When was the last time you felt like you were embraced in love by a diety?  I gotta say most of my sense of love has been from humans.  I feel that the beauty and blessings and grace from a divine source are part of my existence, but that love, mmm, maybe not so much.

I can't say I've ever thought "well, that experience sure says that the divine loves me."  Unless it was the kind of "I must be loved or I wouldn't have had that experience."  No, really never felt love from the Source...warm fuzzy comforting.  Nope.  Missed out there.

There's more, but I'm tired of writing for now.  I'm not posting my picture of praying hands meeting hands from "above".  I don't want it out there in the land of internet.  It's too personal.