Witches tea party!
Personally I've been wondering why I'm not in a celebratory mood for Halloween this year. I finally realized that dealing with life and death issues while being sick this year, I'm thinking a lot about my own mortality. And I do want to continue to live as long as I'm somewhat capable, and able to think clearly. So I've looked at a natural burial place in a local cemetery, then decided against making a decision on that now. It's really depressing.
And I'm not doing much talk about end of life issues. I want to have plans to move forward instead...in this living world. Whatever the other one might be, I'm just putting it aside for now.
As I write this Monday morning...
Right now I'm having an aural migraine, where I lose vision and get blinded by sparkly lights in a blooming kind of circle. It starts in the center of my vision, and ends with streams of banners on the outside. Usually it only lasts 10-15 minutes, and then I have light sensitivity for a few hours. As you can see (while I can't very well) I can keep doing many things, including driving, by shifting my focus around to wherever the vision still remains. No pain usually. Whew.
So when everyone's decorating their lawns with death...skeletons, fake graves, ghosts, goblins, living dead everywhere! - I have little interest. I've always avoided horror movies. Too much to be scared of in real life, thank you very much. I don't want a fake scare.
I used to put up an altar for the ancestors. Even that honoring of those who gave me life has lost its interest this year. I just miss so many people who have "gone on before." Including my pets.
I do still have friends who are witches, or at least witchy. I love that they celebrate with lots of decorations, and maybe some special foods for Halloween.
I got out my caldron...which has served many rituals. So that's as much as I'm decorating this year.
My visit with pulmonologist Monday gave me a honest appraisal of my recovering from pneumonia. He said I'd need another 3 months before I've cleared enough to have my lungs evaluated to see the status of my bronchiectasis...where various lung damages might show up on a CT as well as with breathing tests. I was realistic. If my lungs have at least a half ability still for breathing, I want to plan to move to the southwest US where it's drier. If my lungs show a great deal of damage, I'm reconciled to not moving, but planning that green burial plot for eventual use of my remains.
So we have to wait till early February to find out more.
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H. Byron Ballard, a friend, a witch who lives in Asheville NC.
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And for those who are aware of this time when our ancestors who have gone before are closer to us, there is this:
A prayer for the dead.
Each night, at twilight, we remember. With love, with gratitude, we remember.
You have come to the end of this pathway
In a journey to which we bear witness.
You have come to the end of a pathway
That is barred with a gate and a door.
May this door open swiftly and silently.
May this gate give you a moment’s grace
In which to rest your spirit before you venture through.
We stand here with you, as your companions,
As your family, for you are beloved.
But, for now, we must remain here.
We can not go with you to this old land.
Not yet.
For you will see the Ancestors.
You will see the Beloved Dead.
You will walk among the Divine Beings
That guide and nurture us all.
You go to dwell in the lands
Of summer and of apples
where we dance
forever youthful, forever free.
We can hear the music in the mist
The drums that echo our sad hearts.
We can see your bright eyes and your smile.
And so we open the gate.
We push back the door.
We hold the gate open.
We glance through the doorway,
And with love and grief and wonder
We watch you walk through.
Hail the Traveler!
All those remembered in love, in honor,
Live on.
Farewell, o best loved,
O fairest,
Farewell.
