Conscience

It's that thing that wakes me up in the middle of the night.  In my waking thoughts, I seldom have a sense of guilt, or that I've done something wrong.  But we all know that I'm not immune to doing such things, but somehow I don't have a "guilt-meter" that ding dongs when I behave in a hurtful way.  I admit to this, and for a while thought that meant I was a sociopath...you know, the kind of person that walks all over everyone in their lives.  I certainly didn't want to be that way.  So I usually keep my mouth shut in groups, and often when conversing with friends...and have learned a few tricks like "I hope that I can say this and not hurt your feelings...but..." and "Can I give you some feedback?"

Then when I awken for the bathroom trip in the middle of the night, I hear mysef saying something to someone else, and wishing I hadn't said that.  Or "did she mean what she said after I said that?" Or "why oh why did I say that to her?"  

It usually means an hour or more of tossing and turning with possible scenarios that I can make happen so I can be relieved of this burden of guilt and forgiven.


 I found the following quote, which bothers me even more...

"If we knew just how powerfully our thoughts, words, and actions affected the hearts of those around us, we’d reach out and join hands again and again."
Tara Brach

My thought is...How easily bruised some people are...and we don't even notice if we've been the ones to bump so hard into their soft underbellies.  I kind of wish we had a little light that would blink (maybe on an ear lobe) blue, green or red...depending on how that person's response emotionally is to what has been said to them.