Self-sabotage

When it seems something pulls the rug out from beneath my feet, it just may be myself doing it, a self-sabotage has happened again.

If you're one of those perfectly balanced people who just have some clear-cut enemies who cause all your problems, then don't read about this.

Christmas 2010

Self-sabotage happens unconsciously, which is why it’s so difficult to see that we are doing it. The important thing to realize is that this very part of us that resists our healing is the part that most needs our attention and love. Even as it appears to be working against us, if we can simply bring it into the light of our consciousness, it can become our greatest ally. It carries the information we need to move to the next level in our healing process.

When we recognize that we are not making healthy choices, we might even say out loud, “I am not taking care of myself.” 

Sometimes this is the jolt we need to wake up to what is actually happening. Next we can sit ourselves down in meditation, with a journal, or with a trusted friend to explore the matter more thoroughly. Just shining the light of our awareness on the source of our resistance is sometimes enough to dispel its power. At other times, further effort is required. Asking a counselor for help is nothing to be ashamed of.

Either way, we need not fear these parts that do not want to heal. We only need to take them under our wing and bring them with us into the light.

Spring 2010

Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.  Melody Beattie

Lighting the Yule Log, 2005 Festival of Lights

This Friday is Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere.  Long nights are great times for dreams.  Coming together with friends to share warmth is also a fun thing to do on long nights.

 

Romance for conservatives

Dad in an ROTC uniform

I never saw this picture until my parents were both dead.  I wonder where they had hid it all their lives...when my family kept doing it's very conservative activities and denied that romance had once blossomed for these two people.

Imagine my surprise to see the caption my father wrote in this album from his youth.  "Us Before Cupid" sounds like there was definitely something that changed from friendship into romance.  

My parents went to the same high school, and both were in ROTC, marching around in the mid 30's.  They married in 1937.

When as a teenager I tried to celebrate my parents anniversary and asked them to kiss, they refused.  I never saw anything physical between them...no touches at all.  They called each other "Honey" however.

So since my sister and I did exist, we figured out that our parents did something besides sleep in their double bed...which of course was totally yucky to consider.   I think their dedication to their religion and perhaps raising us girls, not to mention they both worked full time and kept the household, took all the romance out of their lives.  But who knows what was going on in their private lives.  After all we lived with them in the very conservative 50s.

This is my Sepia Saturday contribution for this week.

Intentions

I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace. - Diane Ackerman

Today was day two of baker and elf helper in wrapping and sending gifts to children and grands.  After the delicious Cuban Bread, there was banana nut bread.  And now a LOT of chocolate chip walnut cookies.  Oh dear, where shall I spread the sweetness?  They have to be shipped, because I'll only have one son and girlfriend visiting, for 2 days, which means they can carry some back with them...but there's way too much for just the 3 of us.  So back to packaging and shipping.

A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” Lao Tzu

 During this season of giving, it is the intention behind the thought that is most important.

Yesterday also the contractor was working on the porch concrete.  He had to grind it, remove railings, and poured new concrete so it will hopefully drain away from the house...the raised front porch.  Nobody who visits can ever figure out which door is the front door, but a clue is you either walk into a laundry room or a studio.  What's behind door number 3?  Tee hee.  (There isn't a third door.)  I do have a wreath on the front front door.

OK, I'm out of flour and butter and sugar.  Onward!

Oh wait, I've got new ceilings being put in and painted.    But the contractor called just as I finished my shower (good timing) that he's not coming today after all.  His child is sick.  And he's going to paint all the plywood over at his house.  That's great, so I won't have to sleep elsewhere tonight.  

Hope he can finish it tomorrow.
 
Then I'll finally decorate.  I've got 2 small trees and lights, and lots of snowflakes and amoeba ornaments of various colors!

I was really grateful that I'd finished all my pottery for this year.  But I haven't after all.  So I'm out of the kitchen and back into the studio for the rest of this week.
 

 

Dedicated to the sacred...12.12.12

Miracles abound!

Enter your temple, or cathedral, or a place that brings you to connect with your concept of the spiritual.  A place known as the temenos, coming to us from the Greek verb τέμνω, meaning "to cut". 

... it signifies an area of earth or ground forbidden to mundane uses and dedicated to the sacred. The temenos was an important feature of the mythological landscape in early times, at times a shrine, temple or a sanctuary structure made by human hands, but most often an open air enclosure or sacred grove.

Virgin of Guadalupe Day, December 12.

Today we celebrate how a goddess (later to be named the Virgin of Guadalupe) sent a young indigenous man to tell the new conquering religion to build a cathedral on a sacred spot where the older culture had always venerated her as a goddess. 

Stars on her cloak, the moon at her feet, roses that bloomed in December, the depictions of this Madonna always have the same traits.  Her actual cloak became the western hemisphere's "Shroud of Turin." And she is known as a Black Madonna, as if her skin tone represents the indigenous peoples.  For more information on the Virgin of Guadalupe history and her miracles, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_Guadalupe

The former name of the mother-goddess was Tonantzin, and her temple was at Tepeyac outside what was to become Mexico City, and as noted in the 2 histories (both in Spanish and Nahuatl), the Spanish had only been there about 10 years when these miracles happened.

13 Indigenous Grandmothers

Miracles are available still today.  Do we see them?  Do we ask for them? Yes, especially at this time of year.

Happy Hanukkah

May we all be blessed by the miracle of light in this season.

"Never fear shadows.  They just mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby."
Ruth E. Renkel

A day since it started...sorry.  I did wish my friend and family member who is Jewish a Happy Hanukkah and happy birthday too, but she was on a cruise so didn't open the card till today.  The good thing about Hanukkah is that it lasts 8 days, like the lamp with only a day's worth of oil.  Every miracle should be celebrated.  (I'll have more about miracles later this month.)

Today is yet another sunny warm day here in North Carolina.  We enjoy it, but  may remember how it will have a flip side eventually.  But for now, I'm happy!

Remembering Green-ness

Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky,
We fell them down and turn them into paper,
That we may record our emptiness.
--Kahlil Gibran

When the other side of the earth hosts springtime, our side (northern hemisphere) hosts the grey days of the year.  In 2 weeks we'll have Winter Solstice with  the longest night of the year.

This picture was a springtime joy and the water doesn't reflect sky so much as the green-ness all around it.  And look at that gorgeous color of the moss at the foot of the tree!

I share this with all of us looking forward to the changes mother earth brings, no matter what they may feel like.  I read a blog from Japan who just experienced another earthquake yesterday, and how his family is trying to live a normal life after they had to move from the area where the big one hit last year. 

I love reading blogs from people in the Southern Hemisphere where they share gorgeous plants and flowers.  For me, right now, it's a memory.

I share this as my Weekend Reflections contribution.

Old Family Portrait

My father's parents, and his older brother who didn't live to adulthood.  The home at 1209 Broadway in Galveston, was built by my father's father.  My father wrote the caption later. (NOTE: I'm not sure this is the home Poppy built, but it was their first home...perhaps the Swaseys?)

My impression of this picture is that the family of proud parents and new baby sat on their porch, and somehow a photograph was taken.  I note that both parents hold a handkerchief.

I know that both my grandparents survived the 1900 un-named hurricane, which had devastated Galveston.  Even that didn't bring about the changes that have been made by now, but some things were evident.  The house on Broadway was on stilts, allowing storm waves to pass under the house and hopefully not damage its contents.

My father was one of the 6 children born into this family, probably right in the home, though 2 died as children. 

I'm glad these ancestors lived to produce their families, daily going about the tasks of child care, feeding a family, schooling children, men working for a living.  My grandfather was a bookkeeper.  So was my father.

My grandfather did continue to have the mischievous grin that he displays here, when I knew him as a youngster myself.

Fund raising

When you go to a private school, you think everyone around you is prosperous.

Then you learn that there's an office (where your mother has worked since you moved here to go to this private school) that is all about fund raising.

The Patron's Office at the school was all about letting all the people who might be interested in supporting the school know what it was all about.  That was in the 1950s, so it didn't include anything beyond slide shows and tape recorded presentations.  (Of course there were also people giving talks to introduce the presentations.)  These were the forerunners of PowerPoint.

These people worked many hours to put together these presentations.  I may have seen one at some time or another, but I really don't remember.  I do remember being in the attic offices in the Administration Building where my mother worked. 

Which one is she?  The one working the tape recorder (reel to reel) wearing headphones.

She also spliced the tapes using some great mind-altering solutions.  I know I loved smelling them, one of my first chemical highs. At the time I also loved model glue, turpentine, and gasoline fumes, and coffee when perking.  I learned that even coffee didn't taste like it smelled, just as those other scents would eventually make me pretty sick.  But I digress.

The students came to St. Louis from all over the US, from 7th grade through college.  My tuition was reduced by my mother's dedicated working (a married mother with a full time job in the 50s...oh my!)   I received a million dollar education in 1955 dollars, well, maybe not quite that much.  And there was the hitch that you had to worship their god, it being a religious school also.

This is my Sepia Saturday post, about the attire worn by working people in the 50s.  Not much to say about it though.  Go see other's posts at Sepia Saturday blog.

computer out

I'm not being able to work on laptop with it's screen...so plan to carry it around till I find a fix.

See ya in the funny papers!

Reflections

A room full of reflections in that TV...while a girl and her dad play around with the spaces.

Another girl in front of windows which reflect ceiling lights...

A restaurant full of shiny reflections, as well as 2 other of my 4 granddaughters!

This is my submission to http://weekendreflection.blogspot.com/

Go see all the great photos that are posted there!

Wood patterns

The end of a log gives such beauty...patterns.

Lots of logs stacked, some split already.  Soon to keep someone warm!

against the brown leaves

A flat metal crow-sized friend lives in a neighbor's yard.  I was serenaded by crows in the tree tops today.

Adirondack chairs sit waiting for the next couple to come along and enjoy the view.

Feline friends

What did you expect, me doing tircks?

I do tricks, but not when a camera is looking....zzzz!

I am so busy doing tricks and loving on you, it took about 20 tries to even get one pic in focus!  Don't I look scarey here?  Just licking my lips from just eating!

I am a love cat!!!  Don't you love me?  Everyone does!

Ripple

Stillness of lake surface with one ripple from a leaf landing.

THis is submitted to Weekend Reflections, here.

may be off for a while

Computer is a laptop.
It's screen (LED?) died today.
Fortunately I've got an old monitor from an even older computer that died a while ago.  So I am able to see what is happening with it...kind of.
I don't know if the laptop has more going wrong that the screen.  Not feeling very positive after the photos disappeared on the other hard drive...see my other message for Thanksgiving that didn't have any pics because of that.

I'll miss you, especially if I'm not able to look at my friend's blogs at breakfast in the morning.  Oh dear, how can I possibly start the day?  I'll figure out a way.

Bye for a while, maybe.

Happy thanksgiving

If you think a bit, you'll remember that the hype that the schools promote, and the stores, and the movies, and the churches...is all fiction.
The Native Americans and Pilgrims didn't ever do what the fictional stories say.

But the idea of gathering to celebrate harvest is true.

The idea of sharing your bounty with those who have less is not unique to any one group of people.

I started writing about all kinds of things I'm grateful for.

Then I discovered how many things are frustrating for me, where I see disparity between the folks who have enough to share, and those who are struggling to make ends meet.

I am so grateful to belong to the family of humans.  I am so grateful to have enough food in my cupboard and freezer, though my 2 cats will soon be eating my body if I don't get them more.

I am so grateful for the love that I know exists between my family members.

I am so grateful that a friend invited me to the feast of her family for Thanksgiving.

This Thanksgiving is really a struggle for many people.  My personal sense of frustration is being held in a house that has heat. 

I have daily fulfilling activities in which I engage.  My life is good, my health is good, my environment is good, my community is good.

That's my gratitude for today.

Sepia Saturday Nov 17 late

The children's section of a public library last year.  They usually take home an armful of books, after playing with the various toys the library provides. 

The sign says "One World, Many Stories"  Isn't that what reading is all about?

 This is my contribution to Sepia Saturday 152, a bunch of young people in another library.  Go here to see the rest of the links.

I - Pod - seeds

I bet you drive around this stunning display of seed pods every day or so, if you live in Black Mountain.
So the challenge, dear readers who are lucky enough to be in Black Mountain, is to tell me where these seed pods are!
Just comment below.  (If you don't drive around here, I'll give clues later in the week)

Reflections

Photos show what is reflected with light.  This is being posted on Reflections blog

How about those thoughts we have with reflection?

Clouds, trees, the brightness of blue sky, and the mountains float upon the surface of the water.

One tree has already been cut, I wonder if this has long to stand.

My mind lets me reflect upon the beauty in dead things, where what was cultivated is allowed to return back to earth, the source.

A note on health

If I focus today on health, sooner or later I may have a topic on wealth, and then some of the other things that concern everyone...mmm, how about how water always goes downhill?

OK, back to health.

I have a big bias because I never had any medical treatment until I was 20.  And actually I think this allows me to be open to the ideas of alternative health care, as it is now called.  But religious health care was the reason I didn't see a doctor till I left home and was living on my own.  Christian Science teaches it's followers to pray to know the truth about our lives, that we are all children of God, and have the same connections to God as Jesus had, therefore, can heal ourselves as he did.

I didn't always have healing, but I won't go into that.  It's still got some good information even if I've decided to go to doctors.

To talk about health is to look at what I loved when alternative treatments began to be welcomed in people's lives in the 70's.  Wholistic Health Care.  To be whole.  This is really what health means.  (And I mean the people in the United States, unfortunately.  Lots of people across the world were using many other ways of staying health before this Wholistic movement. (or Holistic movement as many prefer to spell it.)

So my note about health today is maybe that I want to celebrate the wholeness of myself.  And you too!

Now I'll go take my evening medications, then take my blood pressure to see how they're working.  I put a lot of effort into walking today, especially up the hill to Sarah's new house.  So exercise is a plus toward my holistic health.  I ate a couple of balanced meals, and had some chocolate, so I feel pretty good about my diet today.  My stress level has been pretty low today, having said just what I was feeling during conversations whenever I had a different opinion, but I wasn't confrontive.  And I just finished a book about yoga and learned some new ideas that  inspire me to approach relationships differently, thus feeding my spiritual health as well.

Be well, y'all!