Memories and experiencing joy

  

Today's quote:

The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.  -Salvador Dali, painter (1904-1989) I thought briefly about this quote, then felt a deep ah-ha moment. I have definitely stored up a bunch of brilliantly technicolor memories, and only left a few of the dark ones, in sepia tones, to lurk in my brain. There are certainly times I've done someone wrong - and hopefully I've made whatever restitution I could by now. But there are still those memories!  And then there are the dark times more recently in my own experience...feeling like a very depressed individual, wanting to sleep many more than 8 hours a night/day...having no appetite, fighting a recurring fever than went away in a day. Yep, I know that happened to me off and on for months.  And I know the antidepressant meds didn't really solve the problem. But coming off them (over 2 weeks time) I actually felt better. It's like they had grabbed something inside my brain/emotional center...and took it out. I still wanted to sleep at least 10 hours a night...but didn't on the days I had something in the morning scheduled. Me attending a concert when I was about to be dianosed with pneumonia. And then I got full blown pneumonia...the fever coinciding with lungs on second Xray having some things that hadn't appeared back one the one in December. And 5 days of heavy duty antibiotics gave me clear breathing and no fever. I was back able to function normally in a couple of weeks time. I had an amazing lack of my usual daily coughing as well. I still was aware of not feeling any joy. I wasn't feeling particularly anything. Then suddenly the other day, I said to myself, what if there's just a joy button, or a specially sized opening in my being/brain which lets in the feeling of joy? Maybe I don't have to come up with it from inside myself, which seemed to be the message from other people. Maybe I can just sit here, my normal vegetative state, and wait for it to come hitting that spot in my brain. I like that. And I think I've felt a bit of joy since that concept. I sure can get sillier now. Relax better. And you've noticed all my photos of blossoms this spring. Now I feel the joy of their colors against the bright blue of skies. I find great joy in having fresh air coming in my windows, right off the many leaves of the maples outside. That's a nice hit of oxygen I think!  And being with productive people who are doing amazing things. It's so nice to know them, observe them, and maybe support them as best I am able. From authors to craftspeople...so much creativity! Then my dear orchids finally started dropping their blooms. They have lasted a really long time this year. The cycles of life! And of course I'm getting my cataracts removed, so now I have another joy...seeing the true colors of things! The second eye is healing nicely. Yes, I'm very grateful too, for this newfound sense of joy. I do intend to keep that little spot that welcomes it wide open to new things.