The best laid plans...

 You've all probably "been here, done that!" I call it being de-committed. There's probably a verb for that, but I couldn't think of it.

Dr. appointment was scheduled by my Care Coordinator for my regular Dr. The system is that I talk by phone with CC. When something comes up that may need a personal visit, I get an appointment. Well, Mon. morning at 8:10 was all that was available.

However, things didn't come together as planned.

I got up, stood in my bedroom looking at clothes laid out, sipping hot coffee, trying to decide why I wasn't moving. My feet were firmly planted in place as I could look out the window, turn to put the coffee on top of the dresser, and just stand there. It was an odd moment.

Then the phone buzzed, and it was the Dr. office. I answered to find out the Dr. couldn't make my appointment at 8:10. Could I change to Wed. at same time? I said sure. I changed my phone calendar appropriately after hanging up.

Continued with a sigh of relief, having a free morning once again.

But...and always there are things still hanging on one to consider, aren't there! I had volunteered for a job much bigger than I thought myself capable of performing. 

Ah ha. I did have a bit of wisdom with this age. I looked around me, and saw how much I am behind in doing things I really want to have done. So I wrote an email, after thinking about it another half hour, trying to decide if anyone else would have good advice on my decision. No. I was it. I was in charge of Barbara. The email I sent said I couldn't volunteer to do that task, and I hoped I could find something that fit better for my abilities at 81. I know that doesn't mean I'm incapacitated...but it's a slippery slope here, and I keep having more medical problems, and sporadic good health in between. Are there more days fighting physical problems than being able to do what I wanted to do? Sometimes I wonder...but as of today, at this minute, it's kind of equally balanced.

I then took another big step and backed out of the wonderful environmental group where I have little to contribute, but my laptop to run zoom on. Nope. I need to just not do this. A commitment was again de-committed!

Three big changes all on Monday before breakfast.

So I sat watching the sun bathing the ridge and the branches outside my window...and the strange bird fluffing itself up then just sitting (napping?) for several minutes outside the window. Sorry, this is all a phone camera could do, and I think it was a robin. 15 minutes later it was still there. Why I wondered? By the time I got the laptop open to write the emails, it had gone.

Lunch today is still planned at the Lakeview Senior Center, and then studio time working on clay. I have several images in my imagination to build as dinosaurs, er dragons!.

But I have noticed another new thing about this elder. I'm having trouble typing regular words...the spelling just isn't coming out right unless I change it several times. Oh no. Am I having TIA's? That's kind of what I expect will next happen to me.

OK, not to be a debby downer...because after all, I have gratitude for a wonderful day (getting into high 60s) and a good lunch prepared by others, clay studio, driving a safe car, listening to the Grateful Dead (thanks Tom the Backroads Traveler).  Here's a wonderful track if you like them...( 2:35 long!)

December 31, 1989 - Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA

Today's quote:

I find it difficult to feel responsible for the suffering of others. That's why I find war so hard to bear. It's the same with animals: I feel the less harm I do, the lighter my heart. I love a light heart. And when I know I'm causing suffering, I feel the heaviness of it. It's a physical pain. So it's self-interest that I don't want to cause harm. -Alice Walker, author (b. 9 Feb 1944)