Panther was euthanized this evening. She had been steadily declining, but was having a very bad day today.
I'll keep the details to myself and my vet, and of course the sad little girl who wasn't happy at all about not being able to walk, eat or drink. When she was being sedated she was so angry...with a lot of growling and hissing, and fighting those who were trying to help her. She went out fighting.
But I was really falling down on my game. I didn't set up any support for my emotions that were inevitable. Actually I hadn't planned this to be the day that everything fell apart. Fortunately a few dear friends were open and available to let me cry into their ears. I was able to drive home safely, and now am using a beer to help me dull my feelings, and get to sleep. I can't take care of the cat dishes or litter pan tonight. They will be there in the morning.
For now, I need to get used to lying down in bed and not having a demanding furry creature want to be petted just this way, not any other way, this way.
Good bye dear Panther.